Overwhelmed - an open letter to a dear friend

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="164" caption="Image courtesy of www.jane-finch.com"][/caption]

A few days ago, I learned that a dear friend was having a hard time struggling with her daily demands: mom, wife, business owner, homeowner. This letter is for her and everyone else out there who feels the same way:

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Your message struck me because I've been going through the same thing.

I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed too lately, and it's because of so many changes that have been going on in the past few years. You see, before lil man was born, I used to work full time at a Pharmaceutical company. You know how it is, the suit, the commute, the long hours in the office - on a normal weekday I could be at the office 10 hours a day! On top of that, I used to sing in not one but 2 choirs, so add to that all the rehearsal time several nights a week, plus concerts, etc.

When lil man was born, I requested to work from home more often. Since I report to Headquarters in the US and don't really need to be at the office to do my job, they didn't mind me working from home. Everything was fine until I had a miscarriage at the end of 2008. My life, and my body, changed completely. The whole 2009 was horrible for me, the depression, the hypothyroidism, the weight gain - I've always been overweight, but I gained about 40lbs! By this time last year, I was up to 210lbs, the same weight that I was when I was 9 months preggers, yikes!

Thankfully, I'm on meds now and have my hypothyroidism in check, also going to therapy, cause, you know, *cuckoo* {circling my ear with my finger}.

One of the things that helped me last year was baking. I started taking classes strictly as a hobby, but somehow it grew into a business... who knew? So now I have way too many things that I do AT THE SAME TIME:

1. My full-time job. I work mostly from home, but still have to conform to regular office hours and attend many, many conference calls, yuck!


2. Mom. Lil man is at school now and I have to pick him up at 2pm every day. From that point on, I'm a full-time mom, doing the whole homework, dinner, playtime thing. DURING business hours, when I'm supposed to be working! I get a little break when the physical and speech therapists come by to work with him, but still, it's not the same.


3. The bakery. Every time I get more and more orders, and I have to figure out WHEN to bake! Usually it's whenever I find free time, which is never, but I do a little bit in the mornings (during business hours!) or in the afternoons (during business AND mom hours!), or at night (during hubs and me hours! see below...)


4. Hubs. Did I mention I have a husband? Yeah, sometimes I forget too. I usually spend a little bit of time with him and lil man just before he goes to bed, or after that we sit down and watch TV together. That is, unless I have to bake, then it's no hubs!


5. Sleep. My shrink, my neurologist, and my endocrinologist gave me strict orders to sleep 8 hours a day. BAHAHA!! Sorry, it's just that it makes me laugh every time. Yeah, I understand that I need to refuel to keep my thyroid in check and not feel tired during the day, but I NEVER manage to get in bed before midnight, and I have to get up every day at 6am to take lil man to school, so... yeah, it doesn't add up to me either.


6. Exercise. My nutritionist gave me strict orders (yeah, more strict orders!) to exercise at least 5 days a week. BAHAHA!! Oops, sorry, that wasn't an actual joke. But did you read points 1-5 above? How on earth am I going to take time to exercise? I mean, last time I checked, the day only had 24 hours, and I'm already doing 2-3 things at the same time most of the time! I mean, I ran out of time at point 3 - points 4 and 5 are already being compromised. I have no idea how I'm going to do this.

Then there's my original hobby, singing. I had to leave one of the choirs last year in the height of my depression, so I'm down to 1 choir, which is strictly weddings and special occassions. It's good because it doesn't take up a lot of my time and I still get to sing, but not as much as I would like to.

So that's basically what my life is like now. Most of the time I'm running full speed ahead, but sometimes I get overwhelmed and start thinking: "how the hell am I going to do all this, and do it RIGHT?" I guess I still haven't found the answer to that question.

I'm not telling you this so that you feel sorry for me, or to downplay your feelings. I guess in a way I'm glad you feel the same way I do, so that if you ever receive a tweet from me with an "AAAAARRRGGHH", you will know exactly what I'm talking about, and I'll know too if you do the same.

For now all I can tell you is hang in there. No, it will not get better, in fact, it will get more complicated as the kids get older, but at least you know you have a friendly ear many miles away, and at the same time, just a click away.

Lots of love,
Zelma