Overwhelmed - an open letter to a dear friend

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="164" caption="Image courtesy of www.jane-finch.com"][/caption]

A few days ago, I learned that a dear friend was having a hard time struggling with her daily demands: mom, wife, business owner, homeowner. This letter is for her and everyone else out there who feels the same way:

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Your message struck me because I've been going through the same thing.

I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed too lately, and it's because of so many changes that have been going on in the past few years. You see, before lil man was born, I used to work full time at a Pharmaceutical company. You know how it is, the suit, the commute, the long hours in the office - on a normal weekday I could be at the office 10 hours a day! On top of that, I used to sing in not one but 2 choirs, so add to that all the rehearsal time several nights a week, plus concerts, etc.

When lil man was born, I requested to work from home more often. Since I report to Headquarters in the US and don't really need to be at the office to do my job, they didn't mind me working from home. Everything was fine until I had a miscarriage at the end of 2008. My life, and my body, changed completely. The whole 2009 was horrible for me, the depression, the hypothyroidism, the weight gain - I've always been overweight, but I gained about 40lbs! By this time last year, I was up to 210lbs, the same weight that I was when I was 9 months preggers, yikes!

Thankfully, I'm on meds now and have my hypothyroidism in check, also going to therapy, cause, you know, *cuckoo* {circling my ear with my finger}.

One of the things that helped me last year was baking. I started taking classes strictly as a hobby, but somehow it grew into a business... who knew? So now I have way too many things that I do AT THE SAME TIME:

1. My full-time job. I work mostly from home, but still have to conform to regular office hours and attend many, many conference calls, yuck!


2. Mom. Lil man is at school now and I have to pick him up at 2pm every day. From that point on, I'm a full-time mom, doing the whole homework, dinner, playtime thing. DURING business hours, when I'm supposed to be working! I get a little break when the physical and speech therapists come by to work with him, but still, it's not the same.


3. The bakery. Every time I get more and more orders, and I have to figure out WHEN to bake! Usually it's whenever I find free time, which is never, but I do a little bit in the mornings (during business hours!) or in the afternoons (during business AND mom hours!), or at night (during hubs and me hours! see below...)


4. Hubs. Did I mention I have a husband? Yeah, sometimes I forget too. I usually spend a little bit of time with him and lil man just before he goes to bed, or after that we sit down and watch TV together. That is, unless I have to bake, then it's no hubs!


5. Sleep. My shrink, my neurologist, and my endocrinologist gave me strict orders to sleep 8 hours a day. BAHAHA!! Sorry, it's just that it makes me laugh every time. Yeah, I understand that I need to refuel to keep my thyroid in check and not feel tired during the day, but I NEVER manage to get in bed before midnight, and I have to get up every day at 6am to take lil man to school, so... yeah, it doesn't add up to me either.


6. Exercise. My nutritionist gave me strict orders (yeah, more strict orders!) to exercise at least 5 days a week. BAHAHA!! Oops, sorry, that wasn't an actual joke. But did you read points 1-5 above? How on earth am I going to take time to exercise? I mean, last time I checked, the day only had 24 hours, and I'm already doing 2-3 things at the same time most of the time! I mean, I ran out of time at point 3 - points 4 and 5 are already being compromised. I have no idea how I'm going to do this.

Then there's my original hobby, singing. I had to leave one of the choirs last year in the height of my depression, so I'm down to 1 choir, which is strictly weddings and special occassions. It's good because it doesn't take up a lot of my time and I still get to sing, but not as much as I would like to.

So that's basically what my life is like now. Most of the time I'm running full speed ahead, but sometimes I get overwhelmed and start thinking: "how the hell am I going to do all this, and do it RIGHT?" I guess I still haven't found the answer to that question.

I'm not telling you this so that you feel sorry for me, or to downplay your feelings. I guess in a way I'm glad you feel the same way I do, so that if you ever receive a tweet from me with an "AAAAARRRGGHH", you will know exactly what I'm talking about, and I'll know too if you do the same.

For now all I can tell you is hang in there. No, it will not get better, in fact, it will get more complicated as the kids get older, but at least you know you have a friendly ear many miles away, and at the same time, just a click away.

Lots of love,
Zelma

The Balancing Act: A Day in the Life of a First-time Soccer Mom

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="Chart courtesy of Mommy Blips at www.mommyblips.com"][/caption]

Now that lil man is 3 1/2 years old and in pre-school, I decided to enroll him in soccer camp. Patricia, one of my girlfriends who is a teacher had told me that soccer should be a child's first sport, because it involves the most basic of motor skills: running and kicking. I also took him to the Children's Hospital for evaluation, and even though he's not that far behind, they still suggested both physical and speech therapy to catch up (for some sounds that he hasn't developed yet). So now I found myself juggling soccer camp in the mornings 5 days a week, and physical and speech therapy for 2 days each in the afternoons.

Did I mention that I also work full-time? AND that I was in the middle of a very important project? AND that neither my husband nor my mom could help me out? AND that I didn't have money for a babysitter? Yeah, this was going to be a tough one.

I still don't know how I managed to survive those 3 weeks, but somehow I did. Let me tell you what my days were like:

• 6:00am - stupid annoying alarm clock goes off; I hit the snooze button 2 or 3 times before I realize that the day's happening whether I get up or not

 

• 6:30am - by now I'm "supposed" to be ready (clothes and makeup) and fixing lil man's breakfast - usually oatmeal or scrambled eggs, depending on how late I am

 

• 6:45am - first attempt to wake up lil man. He's not a morning person either, so takes a while to wake him up. If he's non-responsive, I start undressing him and putting on his soccer uniform right in bed - not very comfortable for me, but usually does the trick because of all the tugging and pulling, and that wakes him up eventually. And don't even get me started on brushing his teeth! This whole process can take up to 30 minutes, easy.

 

• 7:15am - yep, we're late. I try to make him eat his breakfast quickly, but turns out 3-year-olds don't eat quickly, much less when still groggy - how rude!

 

• 7:30am - if we're not in the car and ready to go, it's pretty much guaranteed that he's going to be late for camp, cause it's a 30 minute drive and camp starts at 8am. Simple math.

 

• 8:00am - drop off lil man at camp. I watch other older kids get out of the car by themselves and go in while their parents drive away quickly, but no, I have to park, get him out of the car, carry his bag (and his ball if he's feeling lazy), and walk him over to his teacher.

 

• 8:15am - I arrive at the local Starbucks with laptop in hand. I tried to drive back home or to my office, but it takes too long, and time is precious!

 

• 8:30am - my daily project status call begins. Bring on the stress! I have exactly 3 hours to accomplish what other people do in 8. That means a double-shot nonfat mocha latte during the conference call, and then put my best Project and Time Management skills to work. By the way, my time management skills are: no bathroom breaks, no looking up, nothing!

 

• 11:30am - I have to start packing up to go pick up lil man. By now I'm so stressed that my neck hurts, I'm thirsty, and still have a gazillion things to do from work. It usually takes me about 15 minutes to finally be out the door.

 

• 12:00pm - pick up lil man at camp. This is a whole process as well, because the guy is so dirty that besides cleaning his hands and face with anti-bacterial wipes (yes, that was plural), I even had to change his clothes several times!

 

• 12:15pm - drive home. I still don't understand how a 30-minute drive in the mornings takes 45 minutes to get back, but Puertorrican driving is a mysterious thing. That's a story for another day.

 

• 1:00pm - get home and quickly fix lunch - either a sandwich, hot dog, or Chef Boyardee. Yes, I know I'm not winning "mom of the year" any time soon. Again, same problem as breakfast, the guy doesn't understand that we're against the clock here!

 

• 1:45pm - bath time. This was very difficult for lil man to accept, because his bath time was usually at night before bedtime, so I'm getting a lot of resistance, and very wet.

 

• 2:00pm - nap time. Spend the first 20 minutes telling him to get back in his room. When he finally surrenders, I try to catch up on the gazillion things from work that I was supposed to finish in the morning.

 

• 3:30pm - wake lil man up. This one is the worst, because he's so tired from soccer camp, that he simply won't respond! Most days I end up carrying him downstairs and putting on cartoons on TV until he notices he's not in bed anymore. This process can take up to an hour.

 

• 4:30pm - therapist arrives home. The reception is not always warm, but he warms up quickly and does his exercises. In the meantime, I try to catch up on some more work.

 

• 5:00pm - therapist leaves. Lil man plays (finally!) while I try to make dinner, although most of the time it's just defrosting or microwaving something - hey, I'm a baker, not a cook!

 

• 6:00pm - hubby arrives home. Cue the singing angels. If lil man hasn't finished his dinner, I turn him over to him. Yes, I know, he's been working all day, he has to change his clothes, take a load off, yada, yada, yada. Come on, it's your turn!

 

• 7:30pm - lil man drinks a tall glass of milk while watching a DVR'd program (either Discovery Kids or Playhouse Disney).

 

• 8:00pm - bedtime. Yet another entire process: brush teeth, read a story, pray, sing a song or two, then spend up to an hour telling him to get back in bed. This involves several trips to the bathroom; the record is 8 times!

 

• 9:00pm - finally collapse on the couch, where hubby has been watching TV. I spend the next 2 hours between watching TV (mostly DVR, I never get to watch live TV), catching up on Twitter, Facebook, my blog, or more work. Barely. By now my productivity and concentration has dropped significantly.

 

• 11:00pm - I give up. By now I'm so tired that I spend the next 45 minutes getting ready for bed. Lame. And stupid. And now I only get to sleep 6 hours, because guess what happens next morning at 6:00am? That's right, I get to do this all over again!

So that's what my days were like - every single day. I know that experienced moms have no problem with this, but this was my first real "mom" test for me. And it was exhausting. And draining. And stressful. And the weirdest part about it is that I enjoyed every minute of it! Am I crazy?

Redefining Zelma

So I've been using Twitter a lot more lately now that I found so many Disney lovers, "mom-preneurs" & foodies that post very interesting tweets. As my friend & followers lists grow, I've noticed how their "descriptions" are so interesting & really define who they are. So I decided to rewrite mine. After many drafts, edits, & reorganizing, this is what I came up with:

Mom, wife, IT consultant, social media rookie, Disney lover, part-time choir singer & part-time baker (custom cakes, cupcakes, brownies, cookies, etc)

OK, so mom to my 3 1/2-yr old son & wife for almost 10 yrs are my 2 main "titles" right now - it's who I am & who I never thought I'd be.

IT consultant is my full-time job which pretty much pays the bills but nothing more - it doesn't fill me the way it used to.

Social media is a new area that I kinda stumbled upon due to the fact that I like to meet new people. I still don't know exactly what it means & how it fits into my life, which is why I specified "rookie".

Disney is one of my passions. I was a cast member for the Puerto Rico store when it first opened in 1992 & was hooked on their philosophy & traditions.

Choir singer is another passion of mine. I have been studying music & singing in classical, professional choirs since I was 6. Kinda retired now due to my new "mom" duties, but still sing in weddings (the ceremonies, the classical parts).

Baker is my new venture. I started taking classes with my lil one in mind, you know, for teacher gifts, school activities, etc., but some people actually wanted to pay me to do more stuff, so it's now my part-time job. I love it but I'm still starting out with only a handful of clients & a growing amount of materials, so let's just say that my numbers are still on the red side.

So that's me in the longest version of a nutshell that I've ever seen! Can someone balance so many different "sides" to them & still be sane? That remains to be seen. Stay tuned, I can't wait to find out!